Picture Perfect.
I hate this. Trying to find a job is so difficult right now. I’ve applied to so many jobs and still have no interviews scheduled, even though I have made calls to follow up on the applications. It’s stressing me out. To make it all worse, I have trouble sleeping at night, so then I’m up late and wake up late in the afternoon. I have to do dishes when I wake up, and then I go do more job stuff, and laundry while I run the dishwasher. It’s just boring.
There was a time that I liked being home alone all day long, but now it’s killing me. I have such a hard time being stuck here in the house. I don’t have anywhere to be, and no one to hang out with. Beside the fact that I don’t have anywhere to go, I don’t have a car available to get around. Now that my sister is back in school, she’s been driving the car to and from because I don’t have a job yet so I don’t need it. It just sucks.
The hardest part is that so many of my friends already have jobs, and if they don’t have a job they’re starting school here in a little bit. I’m not going back to school yet, so I feel so left behind. I feel forgotten and lonely. It’s hard. It’s such a strange adjustment. This is nothing like I thought it would be. But I guess that’s how life goes. I am not really disappointed with myself because I have been doing a lot. I feel like I’m accomplishing things that need to get done, I’m just sad about how life is different from what I had envisioned for myself.
Some days that equates to feeling like I have failed. There are legitimate reasons for postponing school and for pushing the priority for a job, but most people don’t take the time to see that, and they look at me like I’m stupid for waiting to go to school. But if you knew me and what I am going through, maybe you’d look at me differently. I didn’t make this choice for other people’s approval, but it still makes me feel like a loser when I get those looks of disapproval.
I need to go to bed, but I can’t. My mind is running a million miles. It won’t slow down. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.
