The Jacob Box
Every time I get a letter from Jake, after I finish reading it, I put it in the Jacob Box. I have every letter he’s sent in that box. I like to re-read them when I feel alone, or when I want to feel close to him. It makes me feel better. It’s hard sometimes to wait for the next one to come. It’s pretty emotional. You get all excited at the start of each day. “Today could be the day!” Then the time comes to check the mail and….. nothing. So then you’re bummed and wishing the day would just end so you can start the whole process over the next day. I think it’s good though. The day that it finally gets there, you can’t help running to your room to rip it open to read it. I usually end up reading it with a huge smile stuck on my face. Then I want to write back and send my letter off as soon as possible, so I can hear from him again.
I always wonder if it feels the same for him, or if the mail isn’t as emotional because of all the work he’s focusing on. I haven’t asked him yet but maybe I will. I don’t want to ask him though because if he doesn’t get excited when my letters come, I’ll feel bad. And it would crush me. I also don’t want to come off too strong. With all the talk about him, I sound like a stalker, and that’s hard to deal with because it’s not that, I just care for him so much. Ah well, I think he at least gets that he means a lot to me as a friend, if nothing else. But it is something else. That’s ok, I have another year before I have to worry about it too much.
Right now I am sick with a sinus infection, strep throat, and a cold and I feel awful. I want to go to sleep but I had to get my thoughts out. I like dreaming about good things. When I go to bed with too much on my mind, the stress causes weird dreams that are scary and twisted and disorienting. I don’t have to work tomorrow so I can sleep in which sounds nice. I like having the occasional day to myself with nothing important to do. I think I’m going to go lie down and put on some calming music to lull myself to sleep. I’m going to need it if I want to recover quickly.
