Nothing can stop me here with you.
I’ve been thinking about Jake a lot lately. My birthday is on Wednesday and it’s kind of sad not to spend it with him. I love that man. He amazes me in every way and it’s hard to be apart from him. But at the same time, I’m glad that he is doing what was asked of him, and that he feels good about his decision. A mission is both a blessing and a trial. It tests your faith in ways I can’t really comprehend, seeing as I haven’t served a mission. But he is a good man, and he is doing something amazing and for that I love him even more. I still have his birthday package, which is now almost a month late, and I feel TERRIBLE about that. But I’ll be sending it off tomorrow. I want him to know I haven’t forgotten about him.
I have two letters included in the package but I think I need to add a third. Things have happened since my last letter and I want him to know that I have been thinking about him, despite the fact that I’m terrible at sending packages on time…
He asked me what I thought about sending tapes to one another. I’ve never liked an idea more. I miss his voice and I would love to literally hear how he is doing. There is a sort of comfort I find in the way he speaks to me. It’s honest and sincere and gentle. I like hearing his thoughts echoed in his words. It’s like there is a story hidden inside his simple phrases and I love that. I know he has a little over a year left, but I know that we will always be friends, no matter what happens. I’d be lying though if I said I wouldn’t care if he didn’t want to pick up where we left off. That would hurt. I would do it, out of love and respect for him because I want him to be happy more than anything in the world, but I would be crushed. I guess that’s why love is so fragile. Unless you’re willing to lay everything on the line and expose your heart to the possibility of breaking, you’ll never fully experience how powerful love is.
“I’m feeling all super human you did this to me, a super human heart beats in me. Nothing can stop me here with you.” Super human by Chris Brown. It’s true. When you’re in love, you feel invincible, and nothing can get you down. The best example of this is the line in The Princess Bride. Wesley asks Buttercup if she can walk after they roll down the big hill. In response she says, “Walk? You’re alive. If you want, I can fly!” I love that movie. Wesley also tells her that death cannot stop true love, it can only delay it for a while, and I believe that. Love lasts for eternity. I think that’s why it’s so amazing.
I’m in a pretty contemplative mood at the moment. Music and novels have done that to me tonight. I’m also wearing Jacob’s jacket and it’s been a huge comfort. I think I’m going to try to fall asleep so that maybe I can escape into my dreams, the only place that I can be with him right now. Goodnight.
