I think that I’m going to start a new blog. One that defines me as an adult. I’m going through a whole new slew of adventures and this blog has served me well, but I need something that is a fresh start. I feel like my perspective has changed. Life is a different story now than it was five years ago.
“Tell Mommy I’m sorry, this life is a party, I’m never growing up.”
Now I realize that growing up may not be such a terrible thing after all. I know that it’s still a roller coaster ride, but at the same time it’s walking into the unknown, with the feeling of what’s around the corner? It’s kind of exciting that life is now an array of possibilities and choices without things like age and experience (or lack thereof) prohibiting growth.
Now is when I can be totally, 100 percent the person that I want to be. Not who my parents want me to be, or who society says I should be, but who I want to be. Who I choose to be. That’s the beauty of adulthood. Yes, there are responsibilities- that’s unavoidable. But the experiences that I am facing now are shaping me into the kind of wife, parent, aunt, and grandmother that I want to be. I think that’s pretty amazing. I hope that if there is ever one thing my children can learn from me, It’s that life is an amazing gift, and it’s OK to make the most of it.
So, farewell for now. These are cherished memories and they have also played a part in who I have become up to this point in my life. This isn’t goodbye, it’s just see you later. I’m off to make new mistakes, learn new things, and meet new people. Thanks for sharing the ride.
Love always,
Ariana Christine.
I got a letter from Jake two days ago! I’m so relieved. He wasn’t avoiding me. That makes me feel so much better. That letter comes and everything that I have been worrying about disappears. Right now I’m listening to Kiss me or Not by Thompson Square and playing solitaire on the computer. It’s been a fun day :]
Burlesque was AMAZING! Christina Aguilera is an incredible singer, she completely blew me away. It was a fun show and it had a great cast. I liked it. I’m definitely buying the soundtrack for that one. So good!
I don’t mind where you come from
As long as you come to me
But I don’t like illusions I can’t see
Them clearly
I don’t care, no I wouldn’t dare
To fix the twist in you
You’ve shown me eventually what you’ll do
I don’t mind
I don’t care
As long as you’re here
Go ahead and tell me you’ll leave again
You’ll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It’s all the same
And I’ll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It’s all the same
Hours slide and days go by
Till you decide to come
But in-between it always seems too long
Suddenly
But I have the skill, yeah
I have the will, to breathe you in while I can
However long you stay is all that I am
I don’t mind, I don’t care
As long as you’re here
Go ahead and tell me you’ll leave again
You’ll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It’s all the same
And I’ll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It’s always the same
Wrong or Right
Black or White
If I close my eyes
It’s all the same
In my life
The compromise
I’ll close my eyes
It’s all the same
Go ahead say it
You’re leaving
You’ll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It’s all the same
And I’ll take you for who you are now
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It’s all the same.
Thanksgiving weekend was good. I worked 8-2pm on Black Friday and then met my sister and my mom at the mall and we went shopping. My grandpa gave us each 100 dollars for Christmas to spend. I got two pairs of new jeans, two tank tops and a sweater, a coin purse, Ralph Lauren Wild perfume, a loofah, and free candle holders (with the purchase of my fragrance at Ulta). I also worked last night from 4-9. It was a pretty busy night because we still had Black Friday Sales going on. I went to church this morning and I had a choir rehearsal after the block and then once that was over I had tithing settlement with the bishop. Now I’m at home, relaxing before dinner. Once we eat, my sister and I are putting the tree up for Christmas. That should be fun. I have discovered a great website called myfitnesspal.com and it’s a calorie counter fit to your personal body needs. I like it a lot and hopefully I’ll see some progress soon. Justine uses it and she’s lost around 12 lbs already. I’m excited for her! And hopeful for me. It has an option where you can maintain your weight once you get to where you want to be, which is nice. Then you just stick within your calories. Anyway, I want to be in better shape when Jake comes home. I don’t want to “let myself go” since he’s so active. But I should go to bed. I’m exhausted. I’ve just had some weird dreams lately and a hard time getting to sleep. Luckily I don’t have to work tomorrow. Good Night.
“I miss you so. Seems like it’s been forever since you’ve been gone. Please come back home.”
I’ve been checking the mail religiously and still no letter. I hate waiting. But I really can’t complain. I know it’s because he’s doing more important things. I had a dream about him last night. I dreamed that I got to see him. Well, not him exactly but I got to see where he lives. He had a journal on his bed and it said, “In case you’re here…” When I opened it, it said, “I don’t know if you’ll ever be here but in case you are, I wanted to leave something out for you to leave a message in. So don’t be shy!”
I found a blank page and I wrote a message to him. I told him that I miss him and that I love him and I’m so proud of him. I told him that I liked seeing that he had hope that maybe I’d be there one day. I left the page open on his bed with a picture of us on top and a wrapped gift next to it so he’d know that I had been there. And then I woke up.
I like to think that dreams mean something, even if they don’t actually mean anything. It makes the good dreams better. But I’m not sure what to make of that. I liked it though. It feels good to be loved.
I’m listening to “Dark Night of the Soul” by Philip Wesley. It’s piano music and I really think that Jake would like it. I want to write down a list of things he needs to look up when he comes home. I think I’m going to start a journal for him. I’ll put pictures, movies, music, stories and news in it so that he can know what went on back home while he was gone. I think that he’d like that. But for now I’m going to go to bed. It’s 1:15 am. I have to work tomorrow at 2 and I’m sick so the sleep would be a good thing. I miss you, Jake.
